Allies Can Drive Me Fucking Crazy

SO there's this totally cool guy, right, he's totally cool, and totally for your rights. You know he is, because he'll tell you all about it. He'll tell you all about it in several paragraphs. On a major feminist outlet.

Paragraph You're So Lucky To Have Me: I could totally be doing something else, you know.

Paragraph Obviously I'm Just a Natural Leader: I was surprised, after my unsolicited offer, to be so quickly accepted as a speaker at feminist event after only six months of co-leadership responsibilities. I mean, not surprised that I was accepted. Just that it was so quickly, and with so many exclamation points.

Paragraph Also I'm Way Smarter Than Your Oppressors: I debate those guys all the time, and it's just so lame; they don't even make it interesting anymore.

Paragraph Look at This Light Bulb I Just Invented, Manufactured, and Installed: I realized this thing that noone has ever talked about before, let me enlighten you.

Paragraph(s) Feminism 101: I will now explain to you some things that you, readers of a massive and long-running feminist outlet, have probably never considered before, like, 'Sluts don't deserved to be raped!' and 'Many people's actions show them to disagree with the previous statement!'

Paragraph My Light Bulb Cast a Very Flattering Glow (On Me): I wasn't totally sure people would get behind this light bulb of mine, since it was so completely new and unheard of and untested, but people liked it (ed. note: me)! They really, really liked it (ed. note: me)!

Totally cool guys can mix, match, and re-order these paragraphs free of charge for all their major-traffic-blog-guest-posting-needs.

I mean, I get it. Welcome people with open arms, etc. He's an activist, he acts. Awesome! But to make the portions of his feministe post that were actually written for feministe about how he's the coolest independent idea inventor, on the blog of a woman who gently pointed out in the comments that she wrote an essay on this topic in a published anthology - it's tacky, it's shallow, it's so...masculine.*

*For patriarchal norms of masculinity, particularly in the context of engagement with female intellectuals. Go read Rebecca Solnit again, if you've forgotten.